When My Son Became the Patient : My Worst Nightmare

my babyHave you ever been scared in your life that you can actually see your hand shaking in front of you? Have you been so terrified that you can hear your own heart beating so loud and fast? Well, it happened to me about 3 years ago, when my son was only 2 months old. I delivered him full term, my prenatal history was pretty insignificant and unremarkable. We were discharged from the hospital on the third day and he was doing fine. He brought so much joy to everybody in the family.

I was so euphoric, at last I am a mom. I can relate and emphatize with all the mothers I try to comfort, or at least they can feel more sincerity in my tone and say that I really understand how they feel.

When my son turned 2 months old, he gave me the most frightening experience in my life, so far. He just suddenly turned blue and was shivering. I just picked him up, screamed at the sister to drive to the nearest hospital. I got in the car with my sleep wear and bare foot, all I did was close my eyes, my hand on my little baby’s radial pulse, just trying to feel if it is still pulsating, although I did not really feel anything, my body went numb. My spirit was on her knees, praying like I have never prayed my entire life.
I was sobbing when we reached the ER, a lot of people who knew me in the hospital saw me lose it for the first time. The ER doctor checked my son’s vitals, inserted IV which they attempted thrice because his skin was mottled. His fever was up to 40 degrees celcius. I never really realized how frightening it is to be a mom of a very sick child until I became one. I see them everyday, I talk to them and comfort them but I was doing that because it is something expected of me, because my profession calls for it. I never totally understood them until that day, when I was in their shoes…I was not a doctor that day, I was a frantic mom who was so worried about her son, and no amount of comforting words from anybody in that ER made me feel better. That experience was my worst nightmare…but it surely made me a better doctor.

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